Worst Week of the Year So Far

Monday, I slipped and feel on my way out the door. Not only was I almost late, but I messed up my ankle. It was already kinda messed up, but my knee was the one that hurt the most.

Tuesday, I got caught in the rain. I had an umbrella, but getting caught in the rain is never fun.

Wednesday, I slipped and feel again. Only this time, it was on the sidewalk. My knee took my fall again, and my other ankle was achy after that. I didn’t notice at the time, but I scrapped my knee pretty bad too. I noticed once I was on campus, and by then, my jeans had a giant blood stain on them. I thought the worst of the week was over, but as soon as I got on the bus to go home for my break before my night class, I realized I’d left my umbrella in my last class. I just broke down once I got home and got ready for my night class.

Thursday, I was feeling a little better. I was determined not to let my mostly shitty week get me down. My knee and ankle were still hurting, but it was nothing I coulnd’t handle. I got on the bus as usual, taking my preferred back seat. I requested a stop in the usual place, but the bus didn’t stop. Everyone in the bus just looked at me, but did nothing. After another block, I thought the bus driver would notice and stop. No such luck. Again, the other people said nothing, just looked from me to the bus driver. He didn’t stop, just went straight to the bus station.

Needless to say, I was pissed. I honestly considered flipping the driver off. All I could do to stop myself from actually doing it was make fists as tight as I could. I wasn’t born with enough middle finger to accurately show how I felt. So I did what I do best. I cried. I just cried as I walked from the bus station to down town. People slowed down in their cars and stared at me. People on campus looked away as soon as they saw me. 

I completely broke down once I was in the bathroom. I didn’t try to be quiet, I just let it out. Someone came in and asked if I was okay. I was, but I felt  super silly.

I just laughed at myself as I cleaned up and headed to class. met 

There’s this cute guy in my Communications class that’s kinda cute. Needless to say, he makes me super nervous.Lately, I’ve noticed that the other guy he hangs out with is kinda cutter than him.

We had to do this group activity in class. The instructor assigned groups with the old count off technique. I was 3. The cute guy was also 3, and his friend was 4.

At that moment, all I could think was, “life is a sneaky little shit!”. Honestly, it was the perfect time to actually speck to cute guy #2, but life has a way of building me up incredibly high, and tearing me down almost immediately. But, I guess everything happens for a reason.

Hahaha maybe cute guy #1 can put in a good word for me with cute guy #2. I kinda did make myself look good. Well, as good as I could possibly make myself look. One of the other people in my group was a guy I have BIO lab with. We talked about video games once, and we kinda picked up our conversations when the group got together. We talked about Dead Space 3 and Biosock Infinite. I’m hopping cute guy #2 is into video games,

I’m not holding out for anything, I’m a realist, I know I don’t have a chance with this guy either way.

Well, at least I had a little fun talking to other people before I had to walk in the rain. But that’s a story for another post.

Kinda felt like a failure today.

I blew off practicing my speech. Shit, I even blew off printing it at home. I was a nervous wreck all day.

Couldn’t figure out how to turn on a PC at the library on campus. Pushed my way out of an elevator  only to figure out I’d gotten out on the wrong flood. Almost walked into the wrong class.

And then there was the actual speech. I was a little calm by the time my turn came around, but I derped out with technology again. Couldn’t figure out where the hard-drive was, the audio on my power point failed. Needless to say, I was shaking like a pussy by the time I had to actually talk.

My mouth was dry, my hand trembled, I didn’t make enough eye contact. I did follow my outline, which kinda saved me (I hope).

When I did make eye contact, I noticed the guy I fancy wasn’t look at me. I should have been glad, but it kinda made me sad.

I know I’m a fucking mess, but I’m getting better. I don’t dread  or try to get out of talking to strangers. I like having random conversations with strangers. But talking to a group still scared the living fuck out off me.

I know I don’t have a chance with this guy, but you know, that still made me feel bad.

Well, at least I don’t have to another speech for the time being.

Completely blew my speech today in COM 100.

I was so damn nervous. I was shacking for fucks sake! I’ve never been that nervous before. My hands started to shake, and my voice quivered. I felt so stupid.

I gave speeches in high school before and I got my fair share of nervousness, but it was never this bad. 

I think it was because of that cute guy, and my hair was doing something weird. I’m sure I completely blew my chances with him. And that’s the other thing! I feel like he and the guy he sits next to always turn around to look at me. Paranoia does not help.

DAMN YOU, SOCIAL ANXIETY!

First day back to school went well. It was freeze your balls off cold, pretty much all day, so that was that. It didn’t really ruin the day, though.

Bio was packed, but I’m sure it’ll start to get less crowded in there as the first couple weeks go by. I did see someone I knew in high school, but she didn’t want to see me. The instructor seems nice, he strikes me as kinda green, though.

Com was very interesting. I know it called communications, but I did not know it was a speech class. Holy fuck, I was totally not ready for that! Not only do I have to do 4 speeches, and then some, I have to do one in a group. How about no!

I guess it’s not all bad, I mean, cute guys. That makes everything better. Usually.

We did some activities that required us to kinda chit chat with the other people in the class. Lining from tallest to shortest, oldest to youngest, most afraid to least afraid of public speaking, and longest to shortest commute to class.

It was okay, I mean this guy with gouges blue eyes introduced himself. I didn’t quite catch this name, I was way too busy being sucked into the icy, blue lagoons that were his eyes.

And then there was this other guy. Kinda plain looking, you know, just the type of guy I fall for. His name is Brandon and his from a town over. The thing that really stuck out was that he graduated early and he gave me this look. He wasn’t checking me out. Honestly, I wouldn’t really knew if anyone was checking me out. No, this look was different, like he just wanted to see me.

I know nothing is going to happen because nothing like that ever happens to me. I do know I’m just going to try to get over my fear of public speaking and have fun.

I start classes tomorrow and I really haven’t prepared anything asides from actually registering for classes.

Remember when I promised never to take 3 hour long classes? Yeah, I kinda broke my promise. But it was for a very good reason!

I’m taking SOC120 Wednesday from 6:30 to 9:15 p.m.. I need this class because it fills my diversity requirement, and it’s the only 3 hour long class I’m taking this semester.

Okay, I lied. I’m taking BIO101lab, which a technically a 3 hour long class, but it’s a lab so it doesn’t really count. It fills my lab requirement and goes with BIO100, which fills my life science requirement.

I’m also taking HUM102, which fills my non-western requirement, and ENG102. And because I was on a requirement filling roll, I also registered for COM100.

By the end of this semester, if I pass all my classes, I will have my diversity, non-western, life science, lab, and English requirements. Can’t really say what other requirements I need, but I still have a year after this semester to fill them before I transfer.

Asides from my lab and afternoon class, everything else is either Mon/Wed or Tue/Th  class. So what can we conclude?

I GET FRIDAY, SATURDAY, AND SUNDAY OFF!

I now know never to take 3 hour long classes AGAIN.

I am so beat after those, and the worst thing is that 4 out of my 5 classes are that long. And to top that off, those classes are Tuesday afternoon, Friday morning, and Saturday afternoon.

Next semester I’m signing up early and only for Monday/Wednesday and Tuesday/Thursday classes.

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